Bender's Fanfic
by soapfiction
Summary: Bender from Futurama writes a Ranma fic. Adult Swim fic number 2. Review, baby!


Yeah, I'm back. That's right, I went away for a while, and now I'm back with my next fic, big whoop, wanna fight about it?

Yeah, yeah. Okay, here's the next Adult Swim entry for my Ranma fics. This time, it's our good ol' 40-percent titanium buddy, Bender. I noticed a lot of people liked Peter's Fanfic, so I decided I'd continue.

Also, I know I originally said I'd do six, but I found out that there's not enough personality in Space Ghost, Birdman, or Brock Sampson (Venture Bros.) to write a Ranma fic for any of them. I will, however, be writing a crossover episode of Ranma and Harvey Birdman, so look forward to that. Still, if anyone wants to try having Space Ghost or the others write a fic (or Stewie or Brian, for that matter), go for it.

So, without further ado, here's **Bender's Fanfic:**

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(Smoke) 

Ah. Now that's good Santa Cortana Mexican smoke! Nothing beats a fine South of the Border cigar.

Oh, yeah. That story. So, our story begins is some town. A lousy, flea-ridden 20th Century-style town that hasn't yet reached the days of modern Robo-Japanese society. What do you expect from a place with all the shops ripe and wide-open for looting? Then again, who'd wanna loot any of that crap anyway?

Aw, what the hell. Anyway, this dumb chump named Ranma was running through town. He was trying to avoid his dear chumpette Akane, because she was trying to get him to eat some food she made. But, being the ungrateful bag of organs that he is, Ranma didn't respect her food or her attempts to make it for him. The bastard should be torn limb from limb! He doesn't respect us cooks and all the heart and soul we pour into every dish! Juts like my own friends don't appreciate the food that I slave over stoves to make for them! Damn these critics and their disrespectful tastes!

Yeah, well, he didn't wanna eat it. So, he was trying to get away fast. But, fast as he was, his little chumpette was pretty fast, too. And there was no damn pimpmobile for him to jump into, so he could only run. And that's when he ran into this other chump, called Ryoga, with no system of directional navigation. Chump Ryoga accused chump Ranma of something. But Ranma, instead of saying something smooth like "Bite my shiny metal ass!", or "Hot-diggity Daffodil!", he just stood up like the chump he was, and said all seriously, "What do you want?" Exactly why you don't hear anyone say, "Ranma's Great!" Everyone knows that Bender is great, baby!

So, chump number 2 came at chump number one, and they fought. They were just in the middle of beatin' each others asses when chumpette Akane found them. Ryoga pounded chump Ranma away from view, and talked to Akane real softly. He had a thing for her, I think. And this chump was not only nicer to that girl, but he ate her food too! Unlike the other one, he knows how to take things like a real manbot!

But our dear dumb human Ranma got jealous, yelling about how bad Akanes' cooking was. And she rightfully threw the dish at him! Then she started chasing him again. Along the way, he got splashed by some old hag who was watering her dirt garden. Man, who'dve thought humans would be so dumb as to change their genders? Us robots don't have that problem. I was made a manbot, and I'll die a manbot! I'm not gonna let anyone call me a romo!

Anyway, as he tried to hide, some other chumpette came outta' nowhere, and blackmailed him. And she did a good job, too. Not only did she threaten to tell Akane where he was, she also threatened to release a bunch of digitally altered photos of him and some other chump on the internet. Of course, instead of saying "Up yours!", or something like that, he snatches those photos out of her hand, and leaps away. Now, there was her problem. What she shoulda' done when he refused was take a nice L-pipe, bash him over the head, and steal his cash when he was knocked out. She's got a lot to learn.

Well, that's when the kid could run no more. His dear chumpette cornered him, and tried to get him to eat what was left of her food. And that's when they were interrupted again. Some tiny human creature carrying a large sack of stolen goods while running away from a group of giddy schoolgirls. Now, this chump, I like! He appreciates the fine arts of stealing and unrelenting perversion. That, and he enjoys good nicotine and booze as well! I don't really get what he sees in human female undergarments; I myself prefer jewel-encrusted boots; but it doesn't matter!

Either way, he stopped off to grope the body of the now-chumpette Ranma. And that resulted in another long chase where the old dude stole some more stuff. Ah, that's all I can stand to tell. These stories get too long sometimes. While I like humans…(Smoke puff), I don't like them that much. Ah, they're okay, I guess. Now, for some of that booze I stole from that blind guy!

(Opens cabinet, only to find empty space)

Hey! What the hell? (Turns around to see said chump, leaping from roof to roof while holding his sack, chugging the bottle of liquor, and yelling "What a haul!")

Damn him! It's human-killing time! Now I just gotta convince Fry to help! (Runs out door)

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Whew. Well, there's fic number two: Bender's fanfic. Hope you all liked it. Keep on the watch for the last one. Who knows, if I feel like it, maybe I'll write another after that. I suppose I could do Boomhauer…it'd be short, though. Anyway, read and review, please. Happy trails. 


End file.
